Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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