Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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