Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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