She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
