I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
