my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
