My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
