are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
