dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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