we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
