Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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