We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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