i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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