Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
