but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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