Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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