Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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