Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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