I wish i was in the wii world.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
