And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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