dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
