if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
