i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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