So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
