I think I won the penis lottery.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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