So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
