I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
