So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
