Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
