They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
