"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Your mouth is God's brothel.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
