just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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