she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
