Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
