God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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