you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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