No more Irish car bombs ever.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
