Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
