also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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