cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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