Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
