dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
