if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
