Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Randomize
