I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
