Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
