I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
