Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
