i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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