i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
