i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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