I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
