I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
