Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
