I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
