the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the day after is always just damage control
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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