im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Randomize
