how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize