I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
