I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
