My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
