i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
