***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
