May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
