I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
