I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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