So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
