sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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