My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
